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Hey, I’m Tim! ☕

Every Mon and Fri, I help you become the cofounder your startup deserves.

• Actionable advice: Practical tips you can put into use today.

• Relatable stories: Real-life experiences from people just like you.

• Unique insights: Fresh perspectives that you won’t find anywhere else.

Cherrytree is the blueprint to building your dream cofoundership.

PS — If you really want to answer the unGoogleable questions, book time with me for free. I’ve coached dozens of pre-seed/seed stage cofounders.

Help! My Cofounder is a Narcissist!

This is part two of my 5-part series called “Help! My Cofounder is __________!”

• Edition 1: Help! My Cofounder is Lazy!

• Edition 2: Help! My Cofounder is a Narcissist! → This Post

• Edition 3: Help! My Cofounder is Paranoid!

• Edition 4: Help! My Cofounder is an Asshole!

• Edition 5: Help! My Cofounder is a Diva!

Self-centered, attention-seeking. Takes credit but blames others. Always plays the victim. Needs constant validation. Gaslighting. Holier-than-thou.

Sound familiar?

Your cofounder might seem like the dream partner: ambitious, charismatic, and full of big ideas. But dig a little and you'll uncover the dynamics that make them nightmarish.

Narcissism is a defense mechanism against deep feelings of inadequacy and fear of failure. The inflated self-image is a shield against the vulnerability they feel underneath.

They craft a persona that's larger-than-life, one that demands admiration, but beneath the bravado, they may privately feel “fraudulent” or not enough.

I get it, because I was that cofounder.

Here’s how I broke free and what to do if your cofounder is a narcissist.

Stop Feeding the Beast

If you keep feeding their hunger for praise, you’re only strengthening their ego. They’ll never confront their inadequacies if they’re constantly told how great they are.

Praise can be a powerful motivator, but when it’s given reflexively, it reinforces the wrong behaviors. Over time, they start expecting admiration instead of accountability.

Example: Instead of saying “Great job” by default, try "This part was strong, but I think we can improve X. What do you think?"

This does two things:

• It keeps praise meaningful rather than automatic.

• It encourages growth instead of reinforcing complacency.

If your cofounder always thinks they know best, let Aftercare be the judge. It gathers user data and AI follow-ups, so decisions aren’t just based on who talks the loudest.

Hold Up a Mirror

Narcissists rarely see themselves as they are. You could’ve unknowingly reinforced their behavior. The more they get away with, the more they believe they’re right.

But don’t make it a confrontation. Focus on their actions and behavior, not their self-image. They’ll double down instead of changing if they feel attacked personally.

Example: Your cofounder takes credit for a team effort in front of investors. Instead of letting it slide, privately say:

"I noticed you framed that as your idea, but it was a team effort. Let's make sure we acknowledge everyone’s contributions next time."

This does two things:

• It sets a real boundary without making it personal.

• It forces them to acknowledge the discrepancy without triggering defensiveness.

If they never see the problem, they’ll never fix it.

Culture of Shared Vulnerability

Their self-image can never match reality for long. If they see openness as a weakness, they’ll avoid it at all costs. Normalize vulnerability from both sides.

Model it yourself. When you share your own fears or challenges, it lowers their defenses and makes it safer for them to do the same.

Example: Instead of only pointing out their blind spots, share your own:

"I struggle with delegating because I feel like I need to control everything. What’s something you find challenging as a leader?"

This does two things:

• It disarms their defenses by showing self-awareness.

• It encourages mutual reflection instead of one-sided criticism.

Vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s a shortcut to trust.

Cut the Cord

Some people won’t change. If you’ve tried everything and they still hoard credit, manipulate, or play the martyr, the relationship has reached its limit.

A toxic cofounder will drag your startup down with them. If they won’t evolve, you have to decide whether keeping them around is worth the cost.

Example: If they deflect every difficult conversation, refuse to acknowledge issues, and keep repeating toxic behaviors, it’s time to have the talk:

"I don’t think our partnership is working. We need to discuss how to move forward separately."

This does two things:

• It makes it clear that their behavior has consequences.

• It protects your company from being ruined by a dysfunctional relationship.

A sinking ship is easier to escape than to rebuild.

Dealing with a narcissistic cofounder is about redefining how you view the entire cofoundership and what you’ll tolerate.

The good news is that most narcissists aren’t trying to tear you down (we’ll get to those in Edition 4). Instead, they’re just wrestling with their own insecurities.

And while that doesn’t excuse their behavior, it’s a reminder that their actions stem from fear, not malice.

That’s all for now,

Tim He

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