Soulmate Support

TL;DR

Hey, I’m Tim! ☕ 

When you think about founder relationships, your focus is usually on the relationship between cofounders. This is a newsletter for cofounders after all.

But what about the founder’s romantic relationship outside the company?

Here’s the one thing to remember: treating sensitive topics like a minefield only perpetuates their sensitivity.

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Let’s get into it ⤵

DEEP DIVE

“When we identify where our privilege intersects with somebody else’s oppression, we’ll find our opportunities to make real change.” — Ijeoma Oluo

Hidden Hustle

A couple weeks ago, this Tweet by C.C. Gong, the girlfriend of a YC founder, got 2.1M views and sparked an online debate. I dug a little deeper behind the scenes.

Calling her a ‘YC girlfriend’ is reductive. She’s a Harvard-Stanford educated VC who’s been a cofounder herself.

Some commended her for being a devoted partner, while others were concerned that the post reinforces the normalization of women shouldering invisible labour.

I want to cover the contributions of founders’ partners and recognize the often unseen support that plays such a huge role in success.

In theory, this applies equally to all partners, but let’s face the current reality: most startup founders are men, and most of their partners are women.

It would be naïve to generalize. There are two sides of the coin to be addressed:

1. Acknowledging the support that goes under-appreciated.

2. Promoting pathways for more women to become entrepreneurs.

We’re shining a spotlight on gender stereotypes and confronting implicit biases.

TIM’S TAKE

Often Overlooked

My signature is at the bottom of this newsletter, but my partner’s fingerprints are all over it.

There isn’t an edition she hasn’t read, a story she hasn’t listened to (multiple times), a social post or marketing asset she hasn’t seen, a big idea I haven’t run by her, or a major decision she hasn’t helped me make.

Helping manage your stress generally becomes the de facto role that your partner assumes. And that, in itself, can be quite stressful.

But what if they also have a stressful job? C.C. is a venture capitalist at Menlo Ventures and my partner works at one of the top investment banks. It’s actually simpler when you both know what it feels like to be under such tense, high-pressure environments.

Appreciation for their support goes a long way, but not all the way.

You have to reciprocate. I think a lot of times, we forget to do this because the startup is all-consuming. But that’s a pretty lame excuse, isn’t it?

Keep in mind: you and I both know that without them, there would be no startup.

What reciprocity looks like for you is different for me and different for C.C’s boyfriend, so I won’t dive into details. This is simply a reminder to express your gratitude and return the favor.

Now, let’s talk about how we can encourage female founders.

When I asked women why they think fewer women step into entrepreneurship, one reason stood out: risk aversion.

But I think that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Why are women more risk averse?

Because their opportunity cost is much higher. For men, the narrative is: if you sacrifice everything now for your startup, success will eventually restore what you’ve given up. In fact, it might even help you find a partner who’ll take care of life’s other responsibilities.

The same cannot be said about women. I’ve yet to meet a female founder who’s unkempt, lets their laundry pile up unreasonably, and habitually eats garbage because she “doesn’t have time.”

In fact, many of the female founders (and other women in high-powered careers) are some of the most put-together people I know. Society doesn’t offer them the same reassurance that if they focus on work, everything else magically takes care of itself.

There’s no safety net.

Plus, the societal expectation to have and raise kids throws a wrench in the plan. Until men are expected to share that responsibility, women will always be more risk averse.

I don’t pretend to have the answer though. But this is what I do know.

Every entrepreneur has an idol. Zuck, Musk, Gates, Jobs, Bezos, Thiel. Family member, friend from school, random guy on LinkedIn.

Most of them are men.

The problem isn’t that there are no successful women at all. Sarah Blakely, Lori Greiner, Oprah, Whitney Wolfe Herd, Anne Wojcicki, Melanie Perkins, Emily Weiss, Katrina Lake, Payal Kadakia, Reshma Saujani, Tory Burch, Tracy Sun, and the list goes on.

The problem is how little you hear their stories. People are disproportionately less inclined to share the stories of up-and-coming women.

They often face a 'prove it' culture, where they have to succeed before receiving widespread support. And once they become successful, they’re held up like a token to show supposed diversity and progress. This further skews the perception that women need to make it big before they’re deemed worthy of attention.

I believe that with more visible female role models, more women will take the leap into entrepreneurship. And when they do, the money, education, attention, and networks will inevitably follow.

There’s a company called FundingHope that’s already doing their part. They’re a crowdfunding platform that helps you invest in women and minority founders.

Sharing stories is also how Cherrytree, and by extension, you as a reader, can make a difference. Women make up half the population and it’s time we celebrate their contributions to the startup ecosystem, either as supporters or founders.

Related Resources

• If you’re a woman looking to join a vetted community of C-Suite and other senior executives across industries, then you have to check out Chief.

• Searching for a cofounder? Check out StartHawk for an online platform and join LFC.DEV's in-person meet-ups in NYC for face-to-face connections.

• Both Superpowers for Good and FundingHope share incredibly powerful stories about companies doing social good. Yours could be next.

LAST LOOK

Make sure your cofounder sees this — either pass it along or get them to subscribe. A solid relationship takes everyone's effort.

Looking for a cofounder coach? Hit reply.

PS: It turns out C.C. cohosted a cofounder dynamics workshop recently. Small world.

Tim He
Founder & CEO