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Misreads and Misdeeds

Most cofounder blowups don’t begin with betrayal.

They begin with a misread.

You’re drained. Snappy. Doom-scrolling at midnight.

You assume your cofounder can tell because you’ve been sighing in meetings, answering Slack at 3am, and carrying visible tension on your face.

But they don’t say a word.

So you assume they don’t care.

Research by Thomas Gilovich at Cornell found that people vastly overestimate how well others can read their emotions.

Participants gave speeches while trying to hide their anxiety.

They assumed the audience could “totally tell” how nervous they were. But the audience barely noticed anything.

We think we're broadcasting emotion. In reality, we're whispering into a void.

In a cofounder relationship, that turns into resentment.

• You wait for them to notice. They don’t.

• You assume it’s neglect. They assume everything’s fine.

• Nobody's wrong. But nobody’s aligned.

Now pair that with naïve realism.

You believe that you see the world clearly and objectively. If someone disagrees, they must be irrational, biased, or uninformed.

So when your cofounder finally says something you disagree with (wanting to pivot or fire a team member), you don’t hear their logic.

You hear a threat.

You think: They’re being emotional.
They think: You’re being stubborn.

So when two cofounders look at the same decision and see different things, it doesn’t mean one of you is broken.

It means you’re human.

1. Say the quiet part out loud. Your feelings don’t translate without words.

2. Assume your cofounder is acting rationally even if you don’t agree.

Sometimes, it’s good to get a second opinion from a cofounder who isn’t your cofounder if you’re unsure of how to deal with a situation.

Remember: You’re not mind readers. And you’re not objective. But you can be curious.

Trust doesn’t break from big betrayals but from a thousand silent assumptions.

Speak clearly. Listen generously.

And never assume you're the only one seeing things as they really are.

That’s all for now,

BTW — The Cherrytree cofounder community is now open. Join here →

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